OK-- I've put this off long enough. I was sent a book written by female author Tonia Brown and published by "Library of Erotic HORROR Press." I bring up the fact that the author is a woman because I'm not sure there's a whole lotta zombie porn written by women out there.I thought I'd try an experiment with this one. I am going to read the novel, and review it, and my wife is going to read the novel and review it as well.
Hopefully we'll still be married after this.
My plan of attack is to write my review AS I'm reading the novel.
I've got my Blog open and "Lucky Stiff" open side by side on my big honking computer screen (it's big -- I think 'honking' barely describes it)...
Here we go........
Dude's view:
First off, I love the suggestive cover and internal artwork (by Philip R. Rogers). You see the cover here, and I think you know what I'm talking about. Kiddies-- please stop reading now.
The official extended title of the book is "Lucky Stiff: Memoirs of an Undead Lover."
Out of the gate, Tonia thanks the many men in her life that allowed this novel to come to fruition. She even thanks the "brave men who answered her candid questionnaire concerning the male anatomy."
OK-- intrigued already.
Next comes a eerie foreboding warning from the Madam (Sangrail).
Get the voodoo reference now (ala Cover Art)?
I love this quote that follows:
“Now I’m falling apart from my head down to my toes,
I don’t know which of my organs is the next to go.
I’ve been such a sleaze,
Since she gave me the disease,
Wouldn’t you know, I’m a zombie gigolo.”
-from the song Zombie Prostitute by Voltaire
-written by Aurelio Voltaire
Chapter One
"I was never much of a lover when I was alive, but all that changed once my heart stopped beating."
And yes, of course, his name is Peter. Dude's in college ('85)-- and he's 18.
"What you need, (Peter) is a sedative." from the guy on campus known as "Drug Store Dave." I was known as "Shirtless Dave", but that's another story.
“He’s not breathing, man,” Jack said as he stooped over my still form.
“Oops,” Dave said, retrieving the baggie from my now cold fingers.
We killed him,” Jack echoed. “We killed Peter.”
“We gotta think,” Dave said.
“Think about what?” Mooch asked. “How to hide the body?”
“You got it,” Dave said.
“You can’t be serious,” Jack protested. “We can’t just leave him like
this.”
skip
skip
“I’m thinking we go see Madam Sangrail.”
Remember that voodoo chick I mentioned earlier?
Yeah-- sounds like a good idea to me.
skip
skip
"Leave it to Mooch. He always had an eye for the dark and mysterious.
By dark I mean foreign chicks, and by mysterious, well, I mean that
coveted act that was to me one of life’s greatest mysteries. Yep, I died as
a registered member of the V-club, unless you include my nightly visits
with Rosy Palm and her five sisters."
I could go on, but you really need to enjoy this book in it's entirety. I can promise graphic sexual exploitation/fun, alot of really funny lines from the various characters, and most importantly zombie activity.
One thought was to quote some of the extremely graphic sex to get your attention-- but I would be doing a disservice to the writer and the whole story.
Then I changed my mind.......
If this doesn't want you to drop a couple of schillings down on a work of art, hit the close button on your browser now. I changed my mind. I read on-- I would like to see photo ID before you enter.
Here we go.............
Kiddies/Adults be warned.
I will try and leave some to the imagination.
But not much.
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She lowered her lips to my ear to whisper, “Ya can’t {bleep}, child.”{bleep}
I understood. I didn’t like it, but I understood. “I can’t {bleep}?”{bleep}
Sitting up again, she laughed. “Naw boy. Ya still dead as a can of ham.
No blood flow, no {bleep}, no {bleep}. Thanks to my mojo, ya’ll stay {bleep}{bleep}{bleep}{bleep}
as a board, but never get the pleasure a' the {bleep}. Dem’s da breaks {bleep}
when ya’s undead. I’m sorry, son.” Her grin suggested she was anything
but sorry.
After a moment’s pause, I grinned back and resumed pummeling her.
Wrapping her arms around my shoulders, she hung on as best she
could, her {bleeps} bobbing in my face, begging to be touched. “Whoa boy, {bleep} didn’t ya hear me?”
I grunted in assent as I {bleeped} her {bleep}.
“Then what’s all the fuss about?” she asked, her question punctuated.
“I can’t {bleep},” I said between {bleeps}. “But you can. And if I have my
way, you’re gonna {bleep} every minute of every hour of every day for the {bleep}
rest of your life.” I emphasized each ‘every’ with a thrust of my {bleep} in to {bleep} her {bleeeeeeep}.
“Ya crazy kid.” The Madam tried to dismount, but I held her firm in
place, forcing her to {bleep} me.
“No, I’m just making up for lost time.”
She stared at me with wide eyes, her impish grin melting into a look of
outright confusion. “What’s {bleeped} over ya?”
“You did.”
She tried to roll off of me again. “Ya don’t know what ya saying.”
I {bleeped} in a rough jerk. Cupping her face in my {bleeped}
hands, I forced her to look me dead in the eye. Every pun intended.
“Your {bleep} was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” I said, still {bleep}
rolling my hips against her. “I always thought sex was a waste of time, a
waste of energy. I always thought it was a race to see who could {bleeeeep} off first. Why worry about complicating things with a partner when I {bleeps}
could do that on my own? But I was wrong. I didn’t know how beautiful it
could be. I wasted my whole life on books and facts and figures, when
such a gorgeous thing was right there waiting to be {bleeped}. {bleeped} I paused to {bleeeeeeep}squeeze one of her {bleeps}for emphasis.
She searched my face for the hidden meaning in my words. She
couldn’t find one, because there wasn’t one. “Ya’re crazy. Ya know that?”
“Why am I crazy? Because I want to satisfy you? Because I want to
make you over and over so I can just bask in the glory of it? Then {bleep}{bleep} yes, I’m crazy. It doesn’t matter if I can’t {bleep} as long as I can be a part {bleep}
of it when you do. Please, let me make you {bleep} again."
She thought about it for a moment, then bucked against me, letting
out a guttural sound I would come to know well. “Crazy me harder boy,
Sangrail ain’t got all night.”
As they say, her wish was my command.
============================================================
YUP.
Highly recommend. Some of the above paragraphs from the novel have been {bleeped} out of my control (since when is {bleep}{bleeep} a swear word???). If you want to read it in its non {bleeped} mode, buy the book. It's worth it.
For other less provocative reviews and purchase of this finely crafted novel, go here.
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Chick's view is HERE!
I'm gonna jump right in! I don't do this normally... but it's been placed in front of me as a challenge.
I would like to hear from the female readers of this novel-- all our views count.
I was was initially a little disturbed by what I read. This really felt like a novel written by a guy for guys.
I will, of course, take on the view that this is a female-written novel-- and well... here I go...
I, for one, don't shy away from non-vanilla sex. Life is short. Let's all have fun.
There were very graphic scenes of sexual dominance (a top or bottom for you people in the know)-- with the zombie having little or no control. I think us women like this within their control. I guess that's my view...
The novel is hot.... I have to say. This is coming from a real flesh and blood female.
I recommend.
